A sun drenched West Sussex cricket ground, a Mogs team resurrected from the most unlikeliest of availability deaths and a ream of highlights long enough to build a tapestry for. What a day, what a game, what a great time to be alive...
An executive summary of the day's events:
• Mogs put on 241 in circa 30 overs batting first
• Fish bowls his way to Furner-esque glory, mastering the dark arts of the pie
• Pete Riddy becomes team chemist
• Joe Lewis becomes the most successful Mogs fast bowler in 2016 who has a hat trick
• Mogs welcome two new comrades to the brotherhood who arrive 2 beers in to shop bought bag of Heineken
• Tea does not disappoint with fist size scotch eggs and scones with entire bowl of clotted cream "as a dip"
• "Ditchfest 2016" provides a surprising graphic score creating the new Cricket based opera genre set to sweep India over the next decade.
Traffic not enough to deter the might Mogador from a fabulous day at the Ditchling, the team arrived to see Furner stalking the wicket like a Puma prepares to snare a lame wildebeest, Ash emailing the team from the ground to say he is lost and 2 new recruits Jasper Cooper and Liam Windel already 2 beers in. Cooper, nominated captain for the day proceeds to hustle his way to a bat first toss loss. The line "I don't know who some of these guys are but we might be good" clearly enough to co-erce a "we'll have a field" from the opposition captain. On a used deck sighting 8 games in 10 days there was every chance this could have been a raging bunsen. Pete Riddy now claims the mantle of the side's "team chemist" armed with a mildly medicated talc (nut dust 2.0) as well as multiple factors of sun cream and mint infused shower gel. Loyalty card points were also available at every purchase.
Such anxieties about the pitch were not to be, after realising mutual connections to old university alumni with new boys Jasper and Liam, your writer went to update the scoreboard and needed to double check the figure of 48 for 0 off of 4 overs (Furner on 0*). Some glorious stroke play from Bukhari and then followed by Furner on a lightning quick outfield brought the Mogs a flyer. Then after Bukhari nailed a pull shot to square leg's left hand (you could hear the "slap" in Haywards Heath), Riddy came in, played shot of the day followed by the new shot of the day and then left again. Then entered Liam Windel for the innings of the game with 81. Some graceful driving, interspersed with brutal hitting included a Hooked six narrowly missing passing spectators and a mighty tonk over long on. The Sydney born all-rounder showing his class and taking a break from the Sussex Premier League to realise where the true cricket stories are founded.
Cameo hitting from Fish and Cooper provided brief support and then Oscar Jago Lewis added some class at the end with Lee depositing spinners around the ground for a tremendous 31* raucously cheered by generations of Lewis' spread around the pavilion fuelled by Rose and optimism. It was at this point we noticed the intensity of the live music coming from "Ditchfest 2016" becoming more noticeable and providing a graphic score to the game. More to follow later...
The declaration came at 241 and then to the ever famous tea time at Ditchling. Crouch... pause... engage. Sometimes it takes just the simplest of changes to solve a problem you didn't know was there in the first place. Why do more people not cut bread in half rather than quarters? You've made a strong sandwich of mustard and ham or coronation, so back yourself and cut it in half not quarters. Of course they will want a bigger sandwich! Well played Ditchling well played. "But does the scotch egg match the size of the match ball" you might ask... Obviously it does! I know what you're thinking now though, "thanks for the great match report so far but what about the scone situation" well don't worry readers. After a quick "is it mayonnaise or not" test from Fish an entire bowl of clotted cream left for the team to really challenge their arteries (eat as much as you like not as much as you can). Topped this with a whole bowl of celery for Ahson (With these vegetarian options you are really spoiling us). Finally some lemon and poppy seed cake to soak up the remainder of the cream. Those plates never stood a chance!
Resisting the urge for a nap the Mogs took to the field with the new Jasper "Coops" opening the bowling from the archery end. Accompanied in the background by amateur folk singers "The Honey badgers" providing a wistful melancholy to an opening bowling spell. Lines such as "Great heat Coops" or "Keep charging in Coops" a rare collector's item in the field following 6 years of gentle spin from the original Cooper in the side. A debut wicket came soon along with a mis-timed drive to mid-off. Great start and welcome, but we need a new nickname.
Joe Lewis was working his way through an uneventful spell accompanied by mandolin based folk ear botherers, and then some genuinely awful unaccompanied sung poetry before some hard rock tribute took the game to new heights. First wicket a catch at gully, Bukhari creeping in for the "spliced" thick edge. Motorhead's "The Ace of Spades" comes on in the background. Lewis winds up, a second quite brilliant catch from Bukhari in the gully one handed diving forward, the crowd cannot control itself! The field comes in and we are into the reprise of the second chorus. A "trapped boy" tries to re-create Lemmy's husky vocals and the full straight one comes in, back leg, LBW the crowd goes wild. A woeful guitar solo drowned out by the bearded roar from Lewis and the inevitable education that is his post-wicket analysis. An over of sheer chaos and joy and really could have been 4 in 4 or 5 in 5 as the off break brought about 2 more play and misses and a drive falling just short of short extra cover. Magnificent stuff!
With the middle order decimated by Lewis, a gap in the market for some wily grenade tossing came up. Taking a breaking from the called upon Furner hussle of pads and pontification when the slowest of slow medium is needed, it was decided Fisher should be the one to grasp the candle and take the team home with the wiliest of wily guile. An immediate breakthrough from a grenade that "got big on 'im" producing a looper to slip. More folk music and then a surprising cover of Royal Blood's debut 2014 single "little monster" supporting this one. The second wicket a genuine caught behind from a forward defence, the batsman in some doubt as to whether the ball carried to wicketkeeper Lee who was standing up to the stumps. Of course it did... the ball simply too wily and all too perilous. Most batsmen would be relieved quite honestly!
Oscar Jago-Lewis produced a super spell of spin accompanied by Peruvian harpist recreating the Samsung Galaxy S6 alarm call. 1 wicket left, bowled Jago-Lewis. Game over. Ditchling 120 all out. To the bar (not before a light coating of mildly mentholated man pollen goodness from the Riddler).
Great game and Arch Bishop of Banterbury sized banter with an oppo of men who know how to host a proper friendly. Welcome to Jasper and Liam. Congrats to Joe and well done everyone... Jolly good! Thanks to Graham for umpiring, Furner for mid match trivia question (this is now becoming a thing) and Ditchling's Gerry for proper man-teas!
Report - Will "our 'Enry" Cooper
MWCC Stats