The mighty MWCC travelled from far and wide to Ditchling CC to a square that looked as if it had seen some heavy showers in the morning. Strangely there were none on the journey down from sunny Surbiton. Before the ICC could be notified of allegations of deliberately saturating Lee's run up (one Ditchling batsmen in particular will wish they had), evidence was presented first to captain Tharp via text message at 12.30 advising of "heavy showers" from oppo captain (a soft alibi) but also a very cross groundsman who arrived in the 20th over stating he had already called the game off at 11.
To the game that never should have been then; Tharp and oppo skipper win the toss by negotiation ("can we bowl first?" "we were going to bat so yes") and MWCC bat first. With the pitch more of a sticky dog than a basset hound covered in prit stick we were treated to a schooling by the little master Peter Furner with a pure and unsullied 82 not out. A low centre of gravity enabling Furner to hook anyone faster than 23 mph as it popped of a length. Some chipping in from Jordan Bunyan and Ben Fairclough brought the score to 216 off a revised 35 overs and not forgetting a large six from the mighty JD last ball of the innings. Enough to attract t20 franchise offers from Botswana, Isle of Man, Guantanamo Bay and Glamorgan for next season.
Now, strap yourselves in readers because a good tea was made exceptional by one plate of pure joy. Scones, jam and a couple of pints of whipped cream. Clotted cream clearly just hadn't been doing the job and a pile of whipped cream on EACH scone the size of 7 average size cotton balls or a small jacket potato. Not since Godalming 2011 have I limped out of a tea room with a dairy based glaze over my face and a song in my heart (or is that a clotted artery?) quite so loud. Ms Tea Lady; if you read this, don't let anyone ever tell you to put less cream on your scones, they are liars and should not be trusted. You broke me that day but my word, I enjoyed it!
Some fielding happened after that apparently but in a very loose definition of the word. A number of "horror" dropped chances and brut'esque fielding giving Ditchling every chance of chasing a tough target. Lee got angry though and bowled short stuff at a teenager in a helmet for 5 overs which halted the scoring and got everyone a bit excited. The only theory as to how he didn't take the wicket was that fielders were so entertained that they were moving out of the way of likely catches to keep the torture going. After such hostility Calvin Bunyan came on with Tharp to chill everyone out and Cooper endured heavy rounds of "6 or nothing" with the number 4 whose balls frankly took a beating that people in Bangkok away on business would have paid a lot of money for. The poor sap even attracting an offer of his spouse to come on the field and kiss it better. Hilarious for the other 14 people on the field.
The game slowly got away from Ditchling as good death bowling from junior Bunyan and Tharp killed the game. A victory for Mogs on the road again. Some other points worth noting:
• Welcome turnouts from the Bunyan family to add a bit of class and frankly, competence, to the team.
• JD receiving Brut for no apparent reason but embracing it in the way the manufacturers intended
• Lee and Cooper are entirely incapable of counting or writing down small shapes and numbers on a piece of paper.
• Wasps like Ditchling... a lot
• Flies like Ditchling. Particularly score boxes
• Hot water doesn't like Ditchling
• A wasp attacking a defenceless Cooper with his steaming hot Early Grey meaning scoring had to be halted half way and re-started. For all we know Ditchling cruised to a 10 wicket win in the 5th over or Furner could have broken Lara's record of 500 runs in an innings. This is unlikely though...
• Ben Fairclough is a thug and a ne'er-do-well for appealing far too aggressively so much so that a 40 year old man in a white coat internally combusted and was forced to leave the field after never encountering such ungentlemanly raising of a voice. Ben has been fined 25% of his match fees for the display of such on field "street aggression" and has also volunteered to have his voice box surgically removed and will be replaced by a tattoo on the back of his ear lobe with the phrase "how was that?" that can be presented to umpires at a point of enquiry about a batsman's status at the crease such as when he has been bowled or half way back to the pavilion having walked from being bowled again.
That is all
Coops
MWCC Stats